Hi all. So sorry I've left our blog to be inundated with so much testosterone. I figured it was in need of a feminine make over...just to balance things out. Well, the most feminine I have ever felt in my life is now...being a mother to the most precious, happy, joyful baby (in the world, of course). But seriously, two people to date, after spending time with lil' Judah (whose latest Bryan inspired nick-name is "Bushk"...sounds just like it's spelled, don't ask where it came from, we never know the origin of such things) have said, "ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT TO STOP WHILE YOU'RE AHEAD?" Asking for further clarification, they explain that he is the perfect mix between interactive, happy baby, and mellow, sweet baby.
But before this turns into a typical "My baby is the greatest baby on the planet" blog post...let's talk about something else. I've been going through a bit of a doubting phase in my spiritual life with God. It's going on 10 months in the making and, though it's made some twists and turns, it's still there. I can't seem to shake it. It's been an interesting journey because I'm asking all those somewhat typical questions (where did life come from? why does evil exist?) for the first time in my life. So, anyone have the answers?! No, really. I know that I know that I know that my questions will only point me back to Jesus...just waiting for that to happen. Reading Donald Miller in the mean time...Searching for God Knows What. I'll keep you "posted" so to speak.
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I think you're question is still vague. Can you say what is really in question? I've been doing some of the same questioning. And ultimately I had to write some things down about what I really believe and how strongly I believe them and then look at the areas I'm not happy about or just have my doubts. Prior to this, however, for my own confidence I asked how I know I'm a Christian. The answer I came up with was that I am not able nor do I think I could ever say. Jesus is not God and He has nothing to do with me even if he does somehow exist. That is weird that I could not say that about something so abstract and unseen as God. So that is my internal evidence. My external evidence is that this world can not exist without a greater force at work. Pick anything in nature and determine how in the world it could have happened to have happened. Anyway, that is my part one. The second part I think may be more helpful to you. I will include in another comment my own results to this thinking because I doubt it will fit here. It is from my own journal of sorts. If you think it may help take some time and try doing your own version of it. I will be interested to see your response.
A well known evangelist came to town the other day. At least I think he must be well known, he had body guards. He told his story in the form of a movie and then he asked if anyone else wanted to see how Jesus would change their lives. A number of people responded.
He was fairly matter of fact. He used normal language. He was not particularly emotional. He seemed comfortable and confidant. People were responding to a man with no super powers. In fact, he was a man like you and me. So I wondered, why don't I have the kind of impact he has? In the realm of evangelism it would seem like I don't really believe that God has changed my life or that he could change others for the good. For wouldn't I surely tell someone if I found that if I put a gallon of milk in every tank of gas I would get 1000 miles/gallon. I would tell them. And they would probably do it.
So what is the deal with the Christian walk? What is the difference...there are certainly many but in principle it raises an important question.
That question is What do I believe? Not what do I want to believe?
Not 'What do my friends believe?'. Not 'What did I grow up believing?'. Not 'What do the people I want acceptance from believe?'. Take a look at your actions. Take a look at your feelings. Take a look at your fears. Take a look at your hopes. Take a look at what makes you excited. These things tell you what you believe. I've tried it below. I think it's pretty interesting. I see this as a written monument of where I am. I can look at it and see where I am. I will look back at it and see how I've changed. Others can look at it and see a companion, a mentor, or a mentoree. Of course the question also arises. Do you want to know? And do you want to be known? Jesus took the risk to be known in an uncomfortable sort of way when he stepped out of heaven to a dirt blown world with rampant selfishness and consequential hurt. Why? He did it to be known, and to provide a means for us to know him and even to know one another.
The risk I take to be known and to know others is infinitely less risky the Jesus'. Can you do it? Can I?
I hope you can take an honest look. It's not easy. Assign a value to your certainty. Even if you’re sad or surprised, assign a value. It will help make it clear how strongly you believe, or don’t. Pick your objects of belief, mine came to my mind, some others will likely come to yours.
What do I believe?
I am 100% certain that our natural universe was created by God.
I am 100% certain that if God were to disappear from our natural universe, it would cease to exist.
I am 100% certain that God acts at least on occassion to interject his will bending or breaking the 'natural laws'. He does 'miracles'.
I am 100% cetain that without Jesus I could not have a relationship with him.
I am 100% certain that all who believe that Jesus is God and trusts that He knows better and is trustworthy and places trust in Him will experience life closer to the designer's intent.
I am 100% certain I have better relationships with people because of the Spirit in my life and God's word.
I am 100% certain that I respect others more because I'm a Christian.
I am 100% certain that I have more purpose as a Christian. I belong to an 'organization', and I am a critical member of it.
I am 100% certain that I get better sleep as a Christian.
I am 100% certain that I can better recognize activities that are detrimental to me and/or detrimental to others.
I am 100% certain that my behavior and how I should respond in personal and professional relationships is improved as a Christian.
I am 100% certain that I have a clearer conscious as a Christian than as a non-Christian
I am 95% certain that my marriage is better because I'm a Christian.
I am 90% certain that I am less over-whelmed as a Christian rather than a non-Christian
I am 30% certain there is life after earth.
I am 20% certain that God is at work in a special way in my life circumstances vs a non-Christian's life.
I think less than 1% of the time God does miracles as a direct result of prayer.
I am 0% more resistant to disease or sickness as a Christian vs a non-Christian.
I have 0% improvement in knowing what to do for a career as a Christian.
I have 0% improvement in knowing what to do with my money as a Christian.
I have 0% more or less money because I'm a Christian.
you say 10 months--you gave birth 10 months ago...?
Hey Leila
Just out of curiosity, what are some questions you are dealing with. Perhaps I can answer some of them. I read a lot of apologetics so I mentally engage in these types of questions all the time.
On a side note, I think these doubtful questions are healthy. They should be confronted rather than ignored.
Pete
It's Judah's fault.
Nick...I am considering making my percentage list but afraid of what I might find...
Bryan
nick's right--you should send judah to texas.
hi all. thanks for all the responses...it seems I've hit a vein! My mom sent me a cool link of an article from Christianity Today...This line was cool in relation to doubts: "Michael Card, in his wonderful book A Sacred Sorrow, says doubts are actually a profound statement of faith because they're a person saying she won't let go of a good God in the face of the profound evil she's seeing." I'll take that..."a profound statment of faith!" I sure hope so.
Leila
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